


That's How Mafia Works

by EtchJetty



Series: Etch's Sketches - A One-Shot Collection [11]
Category: Mafia City, Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Gen, Meme, mafia city ads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-09 07:28:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17402615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtchJetty/pseuds/EtchJetty
Summary: To help pay for Taylor's hospital bills, a desperate Danny Hebert decides to join the mafia. It was... not quite what he expected.





	That's How Mafia Works

“So, Danny. Daniel. Dan Hebert.”

“Danny,” said Danny Hebert.

“Danny,” responded the mafia boss. “Why do you want to join Mafia?”

Danny hesitated, looking at the man in the fancy suit, feeling inadequate. “My daughter,” he began.

The man nodded. “Taylor Hebert,” he confirmed, pulling out a file from his desk. “Hospitalized in January. Still hasn’t woken up.”

Danny flinched at the reminder, but nodded. “I’m running out of money to keep her alive,” he said, shifting in his wooden seat. “I’m just... so desperate.”

The mafia boss leaned back into his seat. “That’s how mafia works,” he said. “Desperate men come together. We were all desperate street thugs, a puny level one, once upon a time.”

The mafia boss stood up from his desk. “But no more,” he said, gesturing at his office. “I live in splendor. I’m level 35. That’s how mafia works.”

He walked over to the door, beckoning Danny over. “Come, level one crook. I will show you mafia facility.”

With only the slightest hesitation, Danny followed.

The pair exited the office and walked down a long hallway. Along the way, Danny noticed that the hallway was lined with paintings of many individuals in varied states of dress.

“What are these?” asked Danny.

The mafia man paused and looked around, as if noticing the paintings for the first time. “Oh, you appreciate the art?”

Danny looked closely at one picture, depicting a shirtless, muscled man wearing only tight shorts, arms crossed. “Yes,” he said. “I assume this is one of the bosses?”

The boss shook his head and chuckled. “No, not a boss. This is level one crook. We have picture to remind us of humble origins. Like I said, yes?”

The mafia man walked closer to the painting. “This is level one crook,” he said, gesturing at the painting. Then he stepped to the painting on the right, depicting a man with sunglasses and a well-tailored suit, moving his hand to gesture at it instead. “This is level ninety-nine boss.”

He spread his arms out grandly. “Mafia city,” he proclaimed.

Danny stared and blinked. “Mafia city,” he had to agree.

The pair continued down the hall, entering into a large central room that was abuzz with activity. Danny could hardly take it in.

Truckloads of money being transported back and forth. Men, women, animals, all running around back and forth, chatting with each other, practicing with guns and gambling and doing drugs and nothing Annette would have stood for.

This was exactly what he needed.

 _For Taylor_ , he told himself.

The mafia man spread his arms and turned around. “Welcome, Daniel, to Mafia City!”

Danny was about to correct his name, but the boss grabbed him by the arm. “Come over to see our simulations,” he said, pulling him over to the left of the large room. The pair approached a series of men and women with special-looking headsets holding what seemed to be large AK-47s. All of them were standing away from the duo, facing what looked to Danny as a blank wall.

“Here we have bank training,” said the mafia man. “We do many robberies upside, and here we can get practice without cause of harm. They see virtual environment and shoot in there with toy guns.”

Danny raised an eyebrow. Surprisingly considerate, for the mafia.

“Ready?” called the mafia man.

“YES, BOSS!” shouted the headsetted people.

The mafia man waved Danny over, taking a step backwards. “We do not want to be so near to them,” he said.

 

“What?” asked Danny. “Why?”

The mafia man glanced at the people facing the wall. “You will find out soon,” he said.

Danny was going to ask another question when he heard a short blast from an air horn. Then a second one. Then a third, and by the time of the fourth, sustained blast, Danny understood he was listening to a countdown timer.

He watched with bated breath as the people in headsets raised their toy AK-47s and aimed at the wall.

“This is boring part,” said the mafia man. “Wait until I turn on PvP.”

The mafia boss pulled out his phone and clicked a button on the touchscreen. As soon as he did that, the headsetted people stared at the wall in confusion.

Then one man gunned down the man next to him with Nerf pellets.

At that moment, all hell broke loose.

The headsetted people started running around the room, aiming at each other, at the wall, at people who weren’t involved in the game. Danny could barely follow what was happening as pellets whizzed through the air.

“Isn’t it amazing, Danny?” asked the boss over the sound. “They learn to fight! They level up their skills!”

Danny felt a sting on his ankle, and looked down to see a Nerf pellet attached via suction cup to his pants. “I think I’d appreciate not being here, actually.”

“Okay, then,” said the mafia boss. He pulled his phone out again and pressed another button.

The men and women who were shooting each other suddenly stopped. They took off their headsets and looked at one another, before breaking out into cheers.

“Congratulations!” said the boss. “You are all now level ten hitmen!”

As the now-hitmen continued congratulating each other, the duo continued to walk down the facility, Danny shaking off the slight pain in his leg. One door on the left caught his attention.

“What’s that?” he asked, pointing at the door marked “Lizard Research Facility.”

The mafia boss hesitated. “Do not go in there,” he said. “We try to find new mobile attack solutions. But our successes…”

He shook his head. “It was a long and boring process. One point six million words of research later, and still nothing happened.”

The boss beckoned Danny forward, past the door. “We must progress. Have you seen our animals?”

Danny glanced at the door one last time, then back at the mafia boss. “No?”

“Come, then!” The pair walked forward to a penned-in area where several dogs were running around.

An auburn-haired girl was leaning over the fence, looking at the dogs. The mafia boss cleared his throat, and she turned around. When she recognized him, her eyes went wide, and she bowed her head a little. “Boss,” she greeted him.

“This,” said the boss, “is one of our newer acquisitions. You may know her from her fan sites.”

Danny studied the girl, then his eyes widened in shock. Of course he _knew_ there would be criminals here. This was the mafia, after all. But a criminal so widely known as Hellhound, the _cape_?

All Danny could ask was, “What does she do?”

“Glad you asked,” said the boss. “[I’ll show you.](https://youtu.be/Yke9BhP1uks?t=477) If you please,” he said, “level up the dogs.”

The girl sighed, pulled her jacket tighter, stretched out her arms, and closed her eyes.

Suddenly, one of the dogs stopped running around. It stood totally still to Danny’s eye.

A bright light enveloped it, and suddenly, the dog looked more like a monster than a dog, razor-sharp fangs jutting from its mouth, spikes sprouting from places fur used to be.

Danny blinked. It still wasn’t gone.

“What the fuck,” he said. “That’s a monster dog right there.”

“That’s how mafia works,” said the mob boss.

Danny blinked. Then he looked at Hellhound. Then he looked at the monster dog.

“I’m sorry. I can’t accept this anymore. My suspension of disbelief has been strained too much. What,” he said, stretching his arms out towards the mutant dog in the pen, “the _fuck_? Why are you showing this to me? What are you talking about, level-ups? Why are you giving me this special treatment when _Hellhound_ of all people is submissive to you?”

The girl growled a little, but the mafia boss put up a finger to silence her.

“Danny,” he said. “My boy. I give you this special treatment to show you how mafia works.”

“I get that,” said Danny. “You keep saying that.”

“But I give it to you because I _love_ you,” he said. “Daniel. You’re my son. Why would I not want the best for you?”

Danny took a step back in shock. Then he rubbed his eyes, taking in the suited mafia man once again.

Danny never knew his father. He said he was going to get cigarettes sometime in the early seventies and never came back.

But now, Danny could see the resemblance to half-remembered photographs. To descriptions his mother would give when she was in a better mood. To what he saw in the mirror whenever he could stand to look into it.

“D-Dad?” stuttered Danny. “After… forty years?”

The mafia man… Danny’s _father_ , nodded. “I came back to you, my boy,” he said. “I always said I would.”

Danny looked around the warehouse floor, asking, “Why all this? Why show me this criminal empire? Why weren’t you here when I needed you, when Annette died, when I nearly drank myself to death?”

The mafia man sighed. “I could ask the same of you, Danny. Why were you not there for your daughter? Why is she in hospital, still?”

Danny’s father put a hand on his shoulder.

“That’s how family works, Danny,” he said. “That’s how family works.”

**Author's Note:**

> that's how mafia works


End file.
